The Tinder to My Fire

Let me catch you up…

I joined Tinder as a joke. I thought that maybe I would get a good laugh or two, have fun swiping in between classes, and maybe find someone to have fun with on a Saturday night sometime. I matched with a lot of guys. Some were gross, some were funny, but only one stood out from the rest. He used me a Harry Potter pick-up line on me. Yes, it worked on me—it worked very well on me. We talked on Tinder for a few weeks, and then I told him that my account was acting funny, that he should start texting me instead just in case. A couple of weeks after that we met for the first time. It was one of those perfect first dates, like in the movies, only better. We met at a coffee shop and walked around downtown for a while, then we had lunch, walked down to the lake and talked for a while more, and then sat on a park bench and talked a while longer, then we walked past his office building, and then his apartment building. I assured him, long before this that I would not be sleeping with him. He assured me that he could and would be a perfect gentleman. We both kept our word. When I asked him why he was ok with not having sex with me, he told me that it made him like me more. The fact that I’m so interested in things that I’m so unwilling to try until my wedding night, but not before. He called it an intriguing contradiction. I think I amuse him sometimes. Since that first date, I can’t get him out of my head. The only problem, is that he still loves his ex-fiancee.

To recap everything I’ve just told you, I’m in love with a man who’s still in love with his ex. It hurts like nothing I’ve ever felt before. He and I both know that I care for him more than he does for me. We’ve been ‘going out’, but nothing more. He’s made it clear to me that he’s not ready for a real relationship. Yet he’s told me that I’ve made him happy again, he does care about me. But he doesn’t want me in that way, and realistically I don’t know if or when he ever will. And that, is what kills me the most.

Until next time~

Tovala

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