Time to Retreat.

Really, I’m being serious. I am a good person. What did I do so wrong to deserve this? To deserve falling for a man who doesn’t want me. All I want is for you to text, call, message, anything. I just just want you to realize that you have deeper feelings for me then you thought. Wow. I am pathetic. I feel like a complete idiot for obsessing over this one man, but yet I can’t stop. I can’t focus on anything else. I think blogging is the only way to get some sort of relief from thinking about him. The only other way that I can see being helpful, is for him to hold me close, in his arms. Realistically, I don’t know if that will ever happen again. Last night, when I was at his apartment we talked. We talked, and you told me that we need to end this, How he doesn’t want to hurt me. You told me what I already know. What this blog has pathetically turned tribute to: the fact that I love you. Then I said that I know that you want a real relationship someday, just not with me. That when you finds that woman, you wouldn’t know how to tell me without breaking me. I asked a question I knew the answer to, once more. I asked if that was final, if you had made up your mind. You nodded your head, and told me it would be for the best. I asked if you still wanted to be friends, like we agreed the first time. You told me that you did. I refuse to text you today. Or call, or message, or anything else. Not yet at least. All I know, is that I don’t want you out of my life. I don’t understand why I am suddenly thinking like this though. I’ve never wanted someone so badly in my life. I am a strong, independent, confident young woman. I have a bright, long future ahead of me. I know who I am, and you can’t compromise that. You can’t and won’t change me. I don’t let people have that much control over me. Don’t you worry about that. I’m very upfront and honest. Very bold and direct with people. And if someone is on my mind, I do something about it. I text, or message them. And so not texting you, so well… difficult. But I need to distance myself. I need that for me. I need to retreat. Heal. It’s time for me to let my feelings for you fade. I don’t think they’ll ever actually be gone for good.

Until next time~

Tovala